reaching out

sometimes i feel like i forget who i am. i don't know how to describe it without sounding like a weirdo. but it's kind of like i get stuck in a routine and i forget about my surroundings, and the people that i love and care about, and then all of the sudden it hits me all at once. i like to describe it as coming out of "mandy-land". i feel like i spend so much time in "mandy-land" that when i finally come out of it and realize what i'm doing it's too late. like months can go by. is that crazy? i don't know it probably sounds like i'm a lunatic. but my problem is how do i fix things now that i'm back to reality and see that i've pushed people away and kind of let myself fall off the face of the earth, how do i get people back in my life? to be honest, i'm not sure i deserve these people back in my life if i can just let them go so easily. but then again, if it's meant to be then it will be right? i'm a mess.