reaching out

sometimes i feel like i forget who i am. i don't know how to describe it without sounding like a weirdo. but it's kind of like i get stuck in a routine and i forget about my surroundings, and the people that i love and care about, and then all of the sudden it hits me all at once. i like to describe it as coming out of "mandy-land". i feel like i spend so much time in "mandy-land" that when i finally come out of it and realize what i'm doing it's too late. like months can go by. is that crazy? i don't know it probably sounds like i'm a lunatic. but my problem is how do i fix things now that i'm back to reality and see that i've pushed people away and kind of let myself fall off the face of the earth, how do i get people back in my life? to be honest, i'm not sure i deserve these people back in my life if i can just let them go so easily. but then again, if it's meant to be then it will be right? i'm a mess.

so i thought i'd let you know...

hello to anyone who is reading this. i'm not quite sure how to make this thing look good let alone what to blog about so bare with me. where should i begin. i guess just a little background about myself. i'm 25 and i live in baltimore maryland. i wonder if baltimore is known in other places? oh well, anyway...i was going to school to be an art teacher but i'm taking a break from it because it's expensive! and i really don't like school anyway. that's bad right? i don't like having set things to create, like okay paint this tree, but what if i don't want to paint that tree? it's too restricting. but hopefully i'll get over that and go back eventually because working at target does not exactly pay all the bills haha. i live with my boyfriend dustin in my dads basement, not very glamorous. we've been together almost 4 years, december 6th is our anniversary. we have an all white long haired cat named gypsy. maybe i can try to figure out how to post a picture of her, she's pretty, and evil, but still pretty. i've been reading a bunch of blogs for a while now but never had my own. the reason i actually started this one was because of the cold hands warm hearts swap that i want(ed) to do so badly! so i made this, and i wanted to make one i just don't know what i'm going to talk about. i guess i don't think that my life is very interesting and it seems that most bloggers have somewhat interesting lives haha. anyway this is all i can think of for now, hope it isn't too boring! if you have any suggestions or anything to teach me how to personalize this let me know!